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Iyo inshuti yawe ikubwiye ibiyiri ku mutima, kwemera ibitekerezo byayo si ko buri gihe biyifasha
Ariko kandi, kuba twishyira mu mwanya w’umuntu runaka bitewe n’uko ababaye, ntibisobanura buri gihe ko tugomba kwemera n’umutima wacu wose uko abona ibiri kuba byose.

Ariko, uburyo bwiza bwo kubafasha mu buryo bw’ibyuyumvo akenshi burimo kubatera akanyabugabo cyangwa inama ishobora kubafasha gukemura ibibazo byabo mu bundi buryo kurusha uko bo babitekereza.

Mu by’ukuri, ubushakashatsi bugenda bwiyongera mu by’imitekerereze y’abantu bugaragaza ko gutera umuntu inkunga yo kuvuga ibimuri ku mutima, ntugerageze na rimwe kumufasha gusesengura ibibazo afite, bishobora gutuma atekereza cyane kandi bigatuma mu gihe kirekire arushaho kumva yihebye.

Iyi myitwarire yo kuba umuntu yamera nkuko mugenzi we ameze – atamufashije kubona igisubizo cy’ikibazo afite nabyo ni ubundi bwoko bw’ubucuti bubi mu mubano.

Ikiganiro kigamije kubaka gisaba ubwitonzi n’ubushishozi bwinshi, ariko inyandiko ya Ethan Kross muri Kaminuza ya Michigan hamwe na bagenzi be itanga ibibazo bike bishobora gufasha umuntu kubona ibibazo mu buryo bwagutse. Muri byo harimo/harimo:

Urebye uko ibintu bimeze/byagenze, ushobora kumbwira impamvu ibyo bintu byagutesheje umutwe?
Ese hari icyo wigiye mu byabaye? Niba gihari wakingarizaho?
Mu buryo bwagutse,”iyo urebye ibintu mu buryo rusange/ntiwite gusa ku tuntu duto “, ese bigufasha gusobanukirwa neza ibi wanyuzemo? Kuki bitakugirira akamaro?
Nyuma yo gusuzuma izo ngingo zitandukanye (uko buri wese abibona), abitabiriye ubushakashatsi bagaragaje ko bumvaga bararuhutse mu mutima kandi bumva barushijeho kumva ibyaba byababaje, ugereranyije n’abandi gusa bari bibanze ku gusubiramo mu buryo burambuye ibyabababaje n’amarangamutima byabateye.

4. Ishimire intsinzi y’abandi (kandi itoze kugira urugwiro)
Kwishyira abandi bari mu bihe byiza na byo ni ingenzi. Kimwe no kwifatanya na bo mu kababaro, ni ishingiro ry’ubucuti.

Gusa ijambo ‘compassion’ rikomoka mu Ikilatini risobanura “gusangira ububabare”, riramenyerewe cyane kurusha ‘Confelicity’ ijambo na ryo riva mu kilatini risobanura gusangira ibyishimo.

“Confelicity’ ntabwo rimenyerewe cyane nyamara naryo ni ishingiro rikomeye ry’ubucuti.

Abahanga bavuga ko abantu bashishikazwa no kugaragaza ubucuti mu bihe by’akababaro nyamara ntibabigenze batyo iyo abo bita inshuti bari mu by’ibyishimo.

Ubushakashatsi bwinshi bwerekana ko ibiganiro byacu ku byerekeye ubutumwa bwiza bw’ibyishimo bishobora kugira akamaro nk’ako kugira impuhwe mu guteza imbere no kubungabunga imibanire myiza.

Inshuti igushyigikira igomba gusubiza mu buryo bwiza kandi bwubaka- ikabaza ibisobanuro birambuye, ikaganira ku ngaruka z’ibyabaye, no kwerekana umunezero cyangwa ishema ryabo.

Abantu benshi, ariko ntibitwara neza – urugero, bahita bahindura ikiganiro vuba – mu gihe abandi bake babikora mu buryo butari bwiza, bagatanga ibitekerezo bigerageza kugabanya akamaro k’ibyabaye.

Mu muvundo w’ibyo dukora buri munsi, dushobora kwibagirwa guha agaciro n’umwanya ukwiye igikorwa runaka ariko niba dushaka kuba inshuti nziza , tugomba gufata umwanya no gushaka uko twizihiza intsinzi z’inshuti zacu yaba intsinzi nto cyangwa nini, uko ingana kose.

Dushobora kandi gutekereza neza ku buryo dusangiza abandi ibyishimo byacu.

Dushobora guhangayikishwa no kuba bishobora kugaragara nk’ubwirasi cyangwa ubwibone, maze tugahitamo kugira ibanga ibyo twagezeho, ariko na none ubu buryo bushobora kuduhungabanya, nk’uko bigaragazwa mu bushakashatsi bwakozwe na Annabelle Roberts wo muri Kaminuza ya Texas i Austin, Emma Levine wo muri Kaminuza ya Chicago, na Övül Sezer wo muri Kaminuza ya Cornell.

Muri rusange, basanze abantu bababazwa cyane no kuba twabahishe amakuru nk’izamuka mu kazi cyangwa ku bantu bari hafi yacu.

5. Ba uwa mbere gusaba imbabazi
Buri muntu arakosa, ariko bake ni bo basaba imbabazi mu buryo bworoshye.

Iyo usabye imbabazi wabanje no kuvuga ibindi, bituma umujinya n’agahinda bikomeza gukura mu mubano wacu n’abandi igihe kirekire nyuma y’uko icyaha/ikosa ryabaye.

Ubushakashatsi bwakozwe mu birebana n’imyitwarire y’abantu bwagaragaje ko hari imbogamizi enye nyamukuru duhura nazo, zituma tudasaba imbabazi:

Kuba tudasobanukiwe neza uburyo twababaje abandi, tukumva ko gusaba imbabazi ubwabyo bizaba bikomeye cyangwa tukumva biteye isoni, twumva ko gusaba imbabazi bizahindura utuntu duto mu mubano wacu, bityo nyuma yaho ntidusobanukirwe icyo gusaba imbabazi neza bisobanuye – bikarangira tunaniwe kuvuga amagambo yari ingirakamaro kugira ngo dukemure ikibazo.

Muri rusange, abantu bumva baruhutse iyo bemeye amakosa yabo, kandi dushobora gusubiza ibintu ku murongo kurushaho kurusha uko twabitekerezaga- niba gusaba imbabazi kwacu byakozwe mu buryo bukwiye.

Kugira ngo imbabazi zawe zigire akamaro, ujye uha mugenzi wawe igihe gihagije cyo kugaragaza ibyamubabaje.

Nyuma, ugomba kwemera ko ari wowe wagize uruhare mu gukosa, ukagaragaza ko ubabaye mu by’ukuri, ukagaragaza ko wifuza gukosora aho wakosheje ukanasobanura uko uzirinda kongera gukora ikosa nk’iryo ikindi gihe.

Buri mubano ugira ibihe byiza n’ibibi: iyo niyo kamere y’abantu kandi akenshi imibereho yacu n’imibanire n’abandi irushaho kuba urusobe.

Icyakora, iyo ushyize mu bikorwa izo nama eshanu zoroshye zagufasha kugirana ubucuti bukomeye n’abandi, ushobora kwirinda amakosa akunze kugaragara, kandi ukaba inshuti wowe ubwawe wakwishimira kuba ufite uzi neza ko uri incuti nyakuri.